Friendships. Women love to connect, deeply.
We want to talk about feelings. We desire to share dreams. We want to be heard. We want to be seen. We desire to give to others. We love deep connection.
And yet, when you speak with your friends…
For so many, it feels surface level.
- You talk about the weather.
- You talk about the kids.
- You talk about where you went and what you did.
Sure that’s all level one connection. But, what you yearn for is likely deeper than that. So here I’m going to share a few tips on friendships:
- Do you really listen?
- This is a hard concept for many of us. We all like to talk about ourselves: our children’s experience, our trip, how we felt, how we handled a situation similar to yours, how we love, and what we like. It’s all about me me me. And when we’re so focused upon what we are going to say next, we often interrupt or miss what the other person is saying in their talking.
- And yet, remember above and what we discussed: we desire to be seen, heard, and understood. The pendulum swings both ways. If you desire to be heard, seen, and understood and you’re constantly interrupting, figuring out what you’re going to say next, or blabbing about your life experience only, your friend likely won’t feel those things.
2. Do you gossip?
- Okay, this concept is sometimes sexy because it’s dramatic. I mean, did you hear that… “Oh my gosh, I didn’t know that.” Yes, there is a cinematic feel to this type of conversation that gets your inside revved up, but it’s short-lived, hollow, and empty.
- If you and your friend are talking about others, it often reads one of two ways. Your storyline in your life is quite boring and so you need to spruce up the conversation. So go live a more exciting life!! Or it’s the drama you like and if that’s the case, others are likely talking about you behind your back, too. What we give out, we receive. This never bonds you deeply with others. It’s surface level and quite low vibrational.
3. Do you compare?
- Our society teaches us to compare. It’s literally hard-wired from societal norms. It puts immense value on THINGS. Advertisers are quite savvy in human psychology and why people emotionally buy. They showcase that having all the THINGS will ultimately make you feel better. We are bombarded with this so many times throughout the day. Look like this model. Buy this, you’ll feel sexy. Lose this weight, you’ll feel better. Buy this skin cream, you’ll look younger. Buy this healthy snack, you’ll be a good mom. It is in our face every single day.
- So no wonder we compare ourselves to our friends. Because society teaches us to VALUE things and so if our friends have certain things, it speaks to their value (puke). And on top of that, we are taught to compliment girls on their beauty. Oh, you are so cute. Look at that necklace. How pretty is your dress! Oh, your hair is just darling. And then movies just highlight this so eloquently. I’m not saying this is all good or bad, it’s just why it’s so ingrained. So we compare how we look, the clothes we have, the money we have, the parenting skills we have, the foods we eat.
And we wonder why friendships can begin to feel empty.
We are so bombarded with THINGS, that we could spend an entire conversation on items. Women will engage with this conversation to be included, but they will not walk away feeling good about the conversation. They’ll walk away and think about what they need next.
So let’s flip the script.
Let’s begin to curate more deeply, meaningful relationships and conversations with our friends so that they and you can be seen, heard, and connected.
What connects us:
- Sharing our emotions.
- It’s okay to feel the feels and share them. If you’re angry, you can share that. You don’t have to go into the nitty-gritty details like a police report, but share the feels and move on. When you’re joyful, celebrate! Women connect through emotions and experiences.
- Talking dreams, hopes, desires.
- Share what’s next. Share what are your dreams and hopes. Showcase what you are creating. Share what the vision is for the future you. We don’t have to keep all conversations on what happened and what you did. Don’t be afraid to go into the future as well.
- Being in the moment and creating experiences.
- Make the cookies together, go to the beach together, go on the hike together. Sometimes we’re so caught up in the talking that we forget to enjoy the present moment and create the memory right here in this moment and a story for you to tell later. I mean imagine the miracles that happen when two ladies are in the moment just enjoying the experience. Silence in friendship is a beautiful thing.
When we’re on our last breaths, we talk about the relationships we had and the experiences we lived. Create that with your friends today.
If you loved this conversation and desire more, click here for the mini-training on Creating Meaningful Friendships where we dive in even deeper.
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And share below. Share what you like to do to enhance your friendships.