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Doesn’t foreplay seem like a desirable way to live?

What if I told you that your foreplay can determine your future self, would you be more intentional about this mastered craft?

Foreplay has two definitions 1. Erotic stimulation preceding sexual intercourse and 2. Action or behavior that precedes an event. Let’s dissect that a bit. “Preceding an event” means that the focus is really on being proactive, rather than reactive. Interesting…. What is the purpose of foreplay: to warm things up or to get you in the mood? At a basic level it’s fun and pleasurable! Also, it’s about being intentional, focused and open to give and receive pleasure. Think about it, you don’t start with foreplay, then stop grab a bite to eat, watch some TV, think about work, feed the dog and then come back to foreplay.

Talk about killing the mood!

Killing the mood in our every day experiences; we do this all. the. time. Someone gives you a compliment, you brush it off, not open to receive it. A woman celebrates an exciting milestone, only for her “friend” to one-up her in competition. STOP, STOP, STOP!! Why must we kill the mood. What would it be like if we went with the stream of goodness and pleasure, rather than paddling against it?

Hmm….what if we could curate the goodness of foreplay into our every day experiences, with that same intention, focus and willingness to experience pleasure. Sounds appetizing doesn’t it?! How can we begin to do this?

A practiced and focused state can do wonders in this arena. The first time you french kissed someone or tried dabbling into foreplay, it likely wasn’t super smooth-sailing. Embarrassing, but a funny, personal situation: I remember in the past when I was kissing another man and trying to pull up the back of his shirt so I could caress his back with my fingernails. Little did I know that I was actually pulling up his underwear and giving him a serious wedgie. Whoopsie! It takes a little practice to get to your ideal state. Then you fumble a little, laugh about it and hop right back on the horse. What if you quit kissing individuals simply because your first kiss was sloppy and awful. Look at what delicious pleasure you would have missed out on!

Let’s get really good at foreplay in all areas of your life.

The reason we do anything in life is often to avoid pain or to gain pleasure. Your desire for more money, more things, a better job, a healthy family…..is all for one reason: to feel happy or some version of pleasure. Let’s skip all the materials goods for a moment and hop on the pony for that ideal emotional state first. I know this is backwards for most of our culture. You might be surprised what falls in to place for a happy, grateful individual. To practice being intentional, focused and open to receive/give pleasure, try out these exercises to begin to master this craft.

1. Go on Rampages

Ladies, we are really good at going on mental rampages, even if we say nothing out loud. These rampages are power!! We just have to use this power in a strategic way, rather than in a debilitating way. When we focus on negative past experiences, we often fall into the “I should have…” and that famous, “what if…” mind-set. This makes you feel consumed with emotion, thus powerless. Not helpful, period. Seriously, not helpful. However, if we intentionally focus on our desires, this is power! One easy way to begin is by stating, “I’m so grateful for ____ and _____ and ______ and _______. ” Followed by, “I know my desires are being tended to one at at time, I am open to receive”. “I am open to receive ________ and ________ and _______ and _______ and _______.”

2. I love my Fellow Humans Because…..

Be proactive! Mentally or physically make a list of ALL the positive things you like about _________ (your partner, your child, your boss, etc). Instead of replaying all the things you dislike or wish they would change, write what you love about them. When shit hits the fan, you are much more likely to move through the contrast faster when you have a whole bank account of their goodness.

3. Listen People!

Practice being intentional in your conversation. Listen to understand, rather than to respond. Actually listen to what the other person is saying. In the bedroom (or out in the woods, whatever) during foreplay, this is like a dance. You pay close attention toward one another, then understand their desires and lastly, you act accordingly. Practice this with language in your interactions today.

4. Receive, Baby

Soak up and receive any compliment, gift, or goodies that are presented to you. When you receive, you add value to yourself, which has a magnifying effect! More on this later. Rather than denying these gifts, see if you can openly receive with gratitude.

So there you have it. Let’s get warmed up and see how to master this craft of foreplay in many areas of your life.

  • What resonated with you today?
  • Where will you begin to have foreplay in your life?

With Pleasure,

Tina

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